PDA

View Full Version : For Your Reading Pleasure


Presto333
05-24-2005, 05:32 PM
Pure Paintball

It's like nothing else. The adrenaline rushes from beginning till flag hang. From the 10 seconds, those ten seconds that define you. It's in those moments that the true battle is fought. Will you be defeated by fear and nerves, or will instinct clear your mind and create a victory. Then the game begins. In those minutes that you and your teammates -your brothers- lay it all on the line nothing else matters. The math test you just failed, the plans you just broke to play, none of it matters. You and your team against the other. All the practice and time spent. It all leads up to this. And as quickly as it started on that lightening fast break out, it all ends. And as you hang that flag the definition is clear. Your victory is clear. But aside from the rush and victory is your team. The team you have spent countless days with, honing your skills. It creates an unmatchable bond, Your team, your friends, your family. They all become one meaning. This is the true sport. The pure, in your face, all out or nothing sport. And through all the business, all the dollar signs, all the straight suited salesman and inevitable lawsuits. This IS what matters. and nothing, NOTHING, can change it.


Any criticism/comments r always welcome...

El Pirata
05-24-2005, 05:50 PM
Nice essay.

Vantage_TeS
05-24-2005, 05:55 PM
It's got some nice stuff but it jumps around a fair bit. You could rewrite it so it flows a little smoother. Go into detail a little bit more so people who don't play know what you are talking about.

For example "From the 10 seconds, those ten seconds that define you." You could have: When the ref calls 10 seconds and you are waiting for the game to start, those are the seconds that define you. You are hanging there by a thread. Your stomach a ball of nerves and fears. Will you become undone with fear? Or can you push it away and hold that perfect image of victory in your mind. The ref yells game on and everything becomes a blur, running and sliding into your positions. Individual team members moving in unison, transforming into one.

You know... like that?

maponte7
05-24-2005, 06:17 PM
oh come on now, that was just DEEP!!! :biggthump :smile:

Presto333
05-24-2005, 09:54 PM
thats good vantage, ill try to rework it later to flow better

Presto333
05-24-2005, 10:18 PM
btw, i'd like to mention that it may have that ju8mping around/hard to understand feel to it because i did write it at like 5am...

PakmanRevd
05-24-2005, 10:18 PM
OMGLOLGAYROFLHAX!!!

Kidding.. didn't read it, but if it's anything like your profile.. It's good.. lol

dynastySSS
05-24-2005, 10:22 PM
preston that §§§§ign sux!.......jk very good....now.... i want a story!!!!

Paintballjc
05-24-2005, 10:32 PM
I read like the first sentence, and the last three words.... lol idk if i got much, but sounded good to me

APachon
05-24-2005, 10:34 PM
Brought tears to my eyes... JK Vantage...

~A

It's got some nice stuff but it jumps around a fair bit. You could rewrite it so it flows a little smoother. Go into detail a little bit more so people who don't play know what you are talking about.

For example "From the 10 seconds, those ten seconds that define you." You could have: When the ref calls 10 seconds and you are waiting for the game to start, those are the seconds that define you. You are hanging there by a thread. Your stomach a ball of nerves and fears. Will you become undone with fear? Or can you push it away and hold that perfect image of victory in your mind. The ref yells game on and everything becomes a blur, running and sliding into your positions. Individual team members moving in unison, transforming into one.

You know... like that?

Vantage_TeS
05-24-2005, 10:48 PM
*bow*

- KEVIE -
05-25-2005, 01:59 PM
I dont know i think the jumping around makes it more like the actual thoughts of the players on the field your thoughts are never chronological its more chaotic especially when 5 sec comes around your thinking where to go next chet like dat. My 2 cents but it did get a little soft in the middle it seems like you lost the build up there but then you bring it back verry nicely at the end