All kinds of Jokes

[walbuls]

Post all the jokes you can think of here. Keep it kinda clean, you know what i mean. So ill start with the first one.

An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and
blue eyes walks into a
pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbiths?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down
on his knees, so that he's
on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle
white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy
bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle
bwown wabby over there?"
She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her
hands on her knees, leans
forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't
phink my python weally givth a phuck."


Have fun guys. :swing:

[no3ffect]

A penguin goes to an auto shop to get his care fixed
and the mechanic tells him its gonna be a while so
the penguin goes to get some ice cream and since penguins
dont have hands he had some trouble and ended up getting
ice cream all over his face. so he returns to the auto shop
and the mechanic says "it looks like you blew a seal"
and the penguin says "no thats just ice cream!"

[Who?]

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party at a hotel and arrested a whole group of prostitutes, Lulu among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line.

Grandma asked,"Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she
proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"



Grandma replied... " I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry." The policeman fainted


haw haw haw Copied, and pasted from an email I got from My GF.. thought it was funny........

[thog94]

IRELAND DECLARES WAR ON FRANCE

Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office
wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United
States when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "this is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me
cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from
the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand
men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks
and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one
hundred fifty-thousand since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners.